We're all a little messed up
by IhaveAlotOfFeelings
Summary: After the war, Katniss is pregnant with their first baby and they go to District four to see everyone. Annie, Finnick, Gale, Johanna and Cressida. Although the war still riddles there beings, confining in one another to cope. Fun little story that I plan to continue writing
1. Chapter 1

**Basically this is the exact same to THG universe except Finnick is still alive (I couldn't deal with his death so I've chosen to ignore it lmao) and I've paired Cressida and Gale together. I always saw them as a good team together romantically. I've kinda made them into a little family because they all lost there families, there loved ones, they only have each other now. I hope you enjoy, will be updating in the next day or so. Please review!**

"Katniss come on!" Peeta shouts out excitedly. Today Peeta and I were heading up to District Four to see Annie, Finnick, Johanna, Cressida, and Gale. It took me a couple of years for me to agree to it. But after the memorials had been built, the arenas torn down, and Paylor in control I felt peace in the idea of my children growing up in a world were freedom does exist, in a world where they would never have to know suffrage.

I had just began to show, a little bump that rested under my shirt. I rest my hand on it sometimes, to feel her moving inside of me, knowing that she is real. Even though it is over now, I am so scared for my children to endure any kind of struggle. The starvation I grew up in, the hunger games. Peeta helps calm my nerves, but the feeling never truly goes away.

Peeta carries my suit case for me as I push myself up onto the train. It's similar to the one we took on the victory tour, I can see Peeta clutching the back of a chair, it must be too familiar to him. I rest my hand on his back and trace circles trying to say soothing words, it takes a little while until he released his grip from the chair. "I'm sorry Katniss. I thought I was better." He sighs, dropping himself into a chair.

"Don't be sorry Peeta, it's okay." I say giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"The war is over now, real or not real?" he asks with worry clouding his voice.

"real." I reply

"We're going to district four to see everyone, real or not real?"

"real."

I hear Peeta sigh in relief and sink into his chair. He still seems a little unconvinced with reality so I place his hand on my stomach. "Real Peeta, this is real."

His face lights up and smiles. "Thank you Katniss" I kiss his cheek before getting up and ordering lunch for us. It will be Dinner time by the time we reach District 4 so better to eat now and fill ourselves up.

Peeta and I are admiring the clear night sky as we pull up to the station, I see Finnick waving outside to us through the window. Peeta is first to get up and grab our bags as I follow behind. I protest every time Peeta carries anything for me, knowing I am more than capable to do it myself but he always does it anyway, it's easier to let him do these things then fight it now.

"The star crossed lovers of District 12!" He jokes walking up towards us.

"Finnick!" I say smiling as he embraces me for a hug, Peeta then gives him a hug also.

"Katniss, what have you been eating you've got so big" He laughs with a wink. I give him an eye roll as we walk towards a car. Cars are distant thing in District 12, but here they seem quite common.

"Everyone at the house?" Peeta asks.

"Yea, they're all helping out with dinner. I was the one sent to pick you up, apparently sarcastic comments and throwing sugar cubes at them doesn't help." He laughs.

"Can't imagine why you were the one to pick us up" Peeta says opening the passenger door for me. Peeta squishes in the back next to the car seat they had to put in for there son.

As we reach there house I notice the little lights that string across the outdoor deck, glistening like stars in the night sky. Peeta and I walk alongside Finnick as he opens the front door for us. We approach the dining/kitchen area as everyone comes to greet us. "Hey brainless!" Johanna exclaims with a smile.

"Hello to you to" I smirk.

"Gale." I say with a smile as he hugs me lightly. Cressida leans out from behind gale before she gives me a nod to say hello, every since the rebellion ended she was diagnosed with a post traumatic stress disorder, I don't she has ever been the same since the war ended. Gale keeps her grounded though.

Then I see little Finn, Annie and Finnicks son. A spitting imagine of Finnick in every way. "Finn!" Peeta shouts catching him and picking him up. "How's my favorite nephew?" Even though we not blood related they are the closest thing any of us have to family. I give Finn and big kiss on the cheek and Peeta does too on the opposite cheek. "Stop smothering my son, you've got your own." Finnick shouts from the kitchen, Annie giggles beside him. Putting Finn down Peeta and I walk over the kitchen and I sit on a stool that sits in front of the bench.

"So what's new with you two?" Pipes up Annie, she has always been a little quiet but she has improved a lot since the war ended, the fact that the hunger games and the war is no longer a reality and is behind Panem forever has truly saved her.

"Oh nothing really, having a baby." Peeta says jokingly with a smile.

"You!?" I laugh, "I don't see you vomiting and dealing with nausea all day"

"I don't know Katniss, putting up with you complaining about it could have the same effect" Gale says jokingly. Everyone laughs, even Cressida which is a nice sound.

"C'mon dinner is ready" Annie says motioning us all to the dining table.

Well all sit together at the big wooden table, it's comforting to be around familiar, calming faces, sometimes it's hard in district 12. Survivors coming back to twelve, hard to pick who they are, let lone try to get to know them. Like I've always said I have never been good at making friends, but somehow through the mess of the rebellion I was able to gain some. I think Peeta is as hungry as me, the last thing we ate was lunch on the train. My mouth is watering by the time the the food reaches my mouth.

I don't notice I how messy and quickly I was eating until I look up and notice Johanna giggling at me. "What?" I say defensively. It takes me a minute for it to click the she's laughing at my eating. "I'm eating for two you know" I say matter-of-factly.

"I know Katniss," Annie says sympathetically. "I've been there." She adds.

"Oh yeah" agrees Finnick. "Believe me, once you've seen a pregnant woman eat, you'll feel full for a week." Finnick laughs.

After we all finish dinner I help Annie clean up and start the dishes. "So Katniss, how is your pregnancy going." Annie asks softly.

"Good, she's moving a lot now." I say smiling.

"No really, I've had a baby of my own Katniss, I know what it is really like." she says.

I let out a huge sigh of relief that I can finally be honest and confine within someone. I never wanted to tell Peeta, he would just worry. "Honestly? Awful, my back hurts, my boobs hurt, I feel sick all the time. I want to cry every time I feel her stir. I'm so scared Annie." I confine in her.

"I get it darling, I remember when I felt Finn move for the first time, I felt a terror that felt as old as life itself, only the joy of him could tame it. I never thought I would be healthy enough, you know, mentally?" She pauses looking at me and I nod. "But I remember when I first saw him, and I first held him, that every worry I had, every headache, every time I vomited at 4am in the morning, was all worth it, I forgot every pain I had, because all I could focus on was the love that I had for him, for my little family with Finnick." She says softly looking over to see all of them laughing and giggling about something.

I'm taken back by Annie, when I first saw her, at the reaping of the quarter quell, she was so fragile and looked to be completely honest, crazy. But she was so misunderstood, she holds so much wisdom. "I'm sorry Annie." I say turning my gaze towards her.

She looks surprised, "Why?"

"Because I misjudged you." I admit.

She looks at me puzzled as if for me to elaborate.

"I saw you, at the quarter quell. I heard things from people. I just thought you were crazy." I say avoiding her eyes.

She laughs, something I didn't think she'd do. "Oh Katniss. We're all a little messed up, especially when you come out of the games. Sometimes it just gets to people more than others."

I think about for a second and it hits me that she's right. There are no winners of the hunger games, only survivors.

After the dishes are finished I go to walk over to join everyone, but I look to my right and I notice Cressida holding a cigarette outside underneath the starry lights that hang from the roof. Smoking was always a capitol thing, no one was rich enough to do it except those in the capitol. I sometimes catch Johanna smoking too. Just another way to cope I guess. I walk out to talk to her. She looks lost in thought. "Cressida?" I say before walking fully out.

She turns quickly "Katniss." She sighs with relief.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" I ask as I sit in a chair beside her.

"Nothing" she says softly under her breath.

I know that tone to well. The lies when all you can think about is the screams of the lost souls in the war.

"It's okay Cressida, I know what runs through you mind." I say giving her a reassuring smile.

She takes in a deep drag of her cigarette, and exhales making sure the smoke doesn't blow near me. "Does it ever get easier?" she sighs.

"Yes" I admit. "It never goes away, pain never leaves, but you learn to make room for it. You learn to live, to cope with it." I say.

Cressida nods as she puts her cigarette out in the ash tray beside her.

"You have Gale, and you need to confine in him, tell him what goes on in your head. That's what I learnt to do with Peeta, and it helped. More then I thought it would."

"I don't want him to think I'm crazy" She admits looking up at the sky.

Forwarding on Annies words I say, "We're all a little messed up Cressida, even Gale." I pause for a moment. "No one comes out of the war Innocent." I add.

Cressida nods and I give her a reassuring smile.

"What are two discussing?" Pipes up Finnick as they all come and join us outside.

"How we're all a little messed up." I say smiling towards Annie.

"That we all are." Johanna laughs lighting a cigarette of her own.


	2. Chapter 2

**I was going to wait until tomorrow to write another chapter but I just got too excited about this story so I wrote it now, this one just makes me so happy, all my other fanfics tend to have a negative twist to them, so writing something a bit lighter makes me really excited. Please review and enjoy! :)**

When I open my eyes, it's early morning. My head rests on Peetas' arm. I turn, being careful not to disturb him, but he's already awake

"No nightmares?" he says.

"What?" I ask.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night" he says.

He's right, for the first time in ages, I've slept through the night. Peeta has he hand wrapped around my stomach and rubs it soothingly. I feel so relaxed I could just fall back asleep.

Someone begins knocking loudly on the door. "Morning love birds, time to get up!" shouts Johanna. Peeta sighs and places his fingers on the bridge of his nose. It makes me smile, I miss Johanna annoying Peeta. I kiss his lips before saying "Come on Peeta, let's get up."

"I wish we could stay in here all day, just lying here with you." He says cupping my cheek and kissing my forehead. I swing my legs off the bed, getting up and pick some pants and a t-shirt from my suitcase.

Peeta and I walk downstairs and join everyone around the table for breakfast. Then I notice Cressida and Gale are missing. Peeta made cheese buns the night before, so we re-toast them, and they taste almost as good as they do fresh. "Peeta you make amazing cheese buns" Annie says as she passes one to Finn.

"Eating solids now?" I ask looking at Finnick.

"Yup!" Finnick says excitedly.

"That kid is growing too fast Finnick, better keep a leash on him, or he'll end up just like you." Johana says with a smirk, everyone laughs.

Gale comes down the stairs with an strange look on his face, one that I can't place. He clears his throat and we all look up. "So, Cressida was wondering if we could all go to the beach today." He says nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"Of course!" Pipes up Finnick, "It would be our pleasure." he adds.

Gale trots back upstairs to tell Cressida and we all finish breakfast.

"I'll come but I am **_not_** going in the water." Johanna says sharply, the torture from the capitol must still coat her bones. As does the flash backs do to Peeta.

"It's okay, I'm not going to either" I say to Johanna with a smile. She just rolls her eyes before walking up the stairs to her room.

When we reach the beach I realize how hot it is, the sweat begins to bead at my forehead. I sit down and let my toes sink into the cool sand. I find a lot of relief in it, something about the beach is so soothing. Johanna doesn't sit that far from me and Cressida sits beside me too. Everyone else is in the water, Finnick and Annie look like they belong here, like they were born already knowing how to swim. I look over and see Peeta making sand castles with Finn. He's a natural at parenting, I find reassurance in knowing that even if I'm not a good mother, Peeta will always be an excellent father. The three of us sit in a comfortable silence, admiring our surroundings. Johanna seems a little on edge but she seems able to ground herself.

"Gale asked me to marry him." Cressida says out of the blue.

"You're kidding" Johanna laughs.

"Why didn't you tell us Cressida, why aren't you celebrating?" I say curiously.

"Because I said no." Cressida says bluntly staring out at Gale, as we swims out splashing water at Finnick.

"Why?" Johanna asks rudely, even though it was rude I want to know too.

"I just can't allow myself to marry him." she says looking down at her freshly lit cigarette. "Anything good will be stripped down and taken from me again." she adds still avoiding looking at us.

"But thing's are different now." I say trying to be positive.

Cressida sighs. "I know. Like realistically I know, but I just can't ignore the feeling inside me telling me that it will all be taken away again. President snow murdered everyone I knew and loved because I joined the rebels. I just don't want to take that risk."

"I understand." I admit. It's true, I was so afraid of having children because of that same reason. That it we will have to go through it all again.

"Don't be stupid Cressida. Do you love him?" Johanna says looking towards her.

"Yes" Cressida says admitting it to herself.

"Then do it!" Johanna shouts. "None of us thought we would survive this war. But we did. So quit acting so fragile and tell him." She says with a positive tone in her voice.

Cressida sighs and admits to Johanna that's she's right. "Not now though. Later." She says softly staring down at her freshly bitten nails. Johanna nods and I give her a reassuring smile. We all go back to the comfortable silence again and look out to the never ending ocean.

I push myself up and go to walk to Peeta but I'm stopped by Cressida latching onto my hand. "You won't tell anyone will you?" She asks nervously.

"Of course not Cressida, it's not my place." I say before walking over to Peeta and Finn.

"Hey" Peeta says smiling, looking up to me.

I sit down beside them and place a kiss onto Peetas lips. I have never been one for public displays of affection, but since been pregnant it's brought it out of me.

"Ew!" Finn Exclaims. Peeta and I look at each other and laugh. "

"Finn!" Finnick yells out, as he looks over to see the young boy with the curly hair playing in the sand. He walks up towards us and scoops Finn up. "Hey, how about we get your floaties on show your mum your doggy paddle you've been working on?!" Exclaims Finnick happily. "Sorry to take him away from you, but y'know he is _my_ child" Finnick laughs.

"Like you said, we've got our own." I say chuckling with my hand on my stomach. As Finnick walks off, I feel Peetas head leaning on my shoulder. "You okay?" he asks with a sincere smile.

"Yes." I say honestly. "I didn't think I would be but-" I take a deep breath before continuing. "I think I am. Fear still runs through my entire being about becoming a Mother, but I know my child with have you as a Father, and that is reassuring enough." I say smiling.

"I'm scared too Katniss" Peeta admits shyly. I'm taken back, Peeta is naturally good with kids, I don't know why he would doubt himself. I look at him puzzled, he notices my expression and continues. "I'm scared that my flashbacks will scare them, or I will lash out. I never want to hurt either you or her" He says motioning to my stomach.

"Oh Peeta" I whisper under my breath before speaking up. "You would never hurt either of us. Your subconsciousness wouldn't let you." It's true, I know even in a flashback, after all the rehabilitation he's been through he wouldn't be able to hurt us. I try to give him a reassuring smile and a kiss, and he resists at first but gives into the kiss. A deep longing kiss that I never want to end.


	3. Chapter 3

**TRIGGER WARNING: HEAVY MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE.******  
 **A/N: this one is really deep emotionally, I thought there is so much in depth emotional pain within these characters and I really felt it was important to explore this, I felt this was really personal to write, having gone through self harm myself. Don't worry the next chapter will be much more positive so stay tuned! :)**

It's still dark outside, but morning is approaching when I see the lights flicker on, and shouting echoing down the corridor. My fingers stretch out seeking Peetas warmth but the bed is cold, I lift myself up as the panic sets in that something must be awfully wrong, Peeta would never leave me by myself at night, even if the nightmares had been held at bay, he wouldn't risk it.

I throw my robe on quickly and work my way out into the hall following the shouting when I see Gale and Peeta in the bathroom leaning over the porcelain bathtub. My first assumption is something happened to Finn, but Finnick nor Annie are here. As I approach I see spots of a deep red blood everywhere.

"Peeta?" I question still adjusting to been awake.

"Go to bed Katniss." He says reassuringly.

As I get closer I realize it's Cressida. I gasp a little, seeing her in this state scares me to death. "What did she do?" I question whispering, unsure whether I want to know the answer.

"I don't know." Gale shouts in frustration. His voice shakes with fear.

Something within me kicks in, like when an injured coal miner would show up at our door step and my mother would start to work on them. I notice the cause of all the blood that pools in the bath tub. 3 neat gashes that run deep into her arm. I shuffle the boys out of the way and Grab a nearby towel. I hold it over her wrist so tight her fingertips begin to turn white. Finnick and Johanna have stepped in now, rubbing there eyes. They must've woken them too too.

Johanna is first to approach to see the cause of the shouting and panic. "Jesus Christ" she says rubbing her forehead and walking out quickly.

"What is going on-" Finnick begins but stares down at Cressida and stops himself.

Finnick Kneels beside me and grabs a strange white wooden box from under the sink, about the size of a shoe box. "I need everyone out!" Finnick yells. "Katniss I need you to hold her wrist." he says to me, Cressida is half conscious, every now and then she'll whine or murmur "I'm not crazy." She had taken sleeping medication her doctor prescribes her to sleep. The doctor it least had the good sense to give Gale the responsibility of giving them to her when she needed them.

Finnick works away with her wrist, injecting a strange liquid into it, pulling out a sterile needle and thread stitching up the cuts. Cressida whines a little but looks to weak to fight back. I look at him puzzled and wonder how he knows how to heal people like this. He notices my gaze as he looks at Cressidas arm hard in concentration. "Annie use to do it" He whispers not looking up at me. "Oh." is all I can muster. I feel really sad, that she would do this to herself, I can't help but wonder why. I mean I'm no stranger to suicide, but I never just hurt myself for the hell of it. Then I realize I blurted it out already. "Why?"

"Because they need to feel something, they get caught up within there emotional pain and take it out on themselves physically. To distract themselves, or punish themselves I think." He says finishing up stitching Cressidas arm.

Annie is awake now too. "Finnick what's wrong, why is everyone up and about?" She says yawning as she walks in. Finnick doesn't get a chance to awnser before Annie walks over and gasps. "No." she whispers as her lips begin to tremble. Tears run down her face as she falls onto the floor and begins to sob. Finnick rubs her back soothing as he finishes bandaging Cressida quickly. "Katniss can you please help Annie while I take Cressida to her room?" He asks with an expression of complete defeat. I immediately nod and take Annie into my arms as quickly as I am able. I lean her head gently against my chest and run my fingers through her beautiful red locks, like Peeta does sometimes for me. And I do the only thing I can think to do in this situation. **Sing.**

When Finnick returns, Annie has stopped crying and is lifting her head towards me. "Thank you." She whispers. "You voice" she pauses, "is beautiful. You're going to be a wonderful mother Katniss" Annie adds as Finnick helps her onto her feet and walks her back to bed.

I walk outside to the outdoor deck to get fresh air away from the bloody scene behind me. As I walk out I see Peeta sitting next to Gale. Gale has his head in his hands and Johanna hands him a cigarette. I want to scowl at him and yell at him but I can't. I would have one too if this were to happen to Peeta so I sit next to him instead. "What do I do?" he says cradling his head in his hands.

"You help her." Finnick says as I notice him leaning in the door way. Johanna offers him a cigarette but he declines. He sits on a chair across from us and relaxes his shoulders. "When Annie does it." he says bringing everyone to his attention. Looking closely, hanging onto his words. "It broke me, but I understood why, we all take our pain out on something, Peeta bakes and paints for example, some just take it out on themselves." He says looking down at his hands.

"Why didn't she tell me?" Gale asks taking his head out of his hands.

"She didn't want you to think she was crazy." I admit looking at him.

Gale lets out a deep sigh, "I would never think that. I love her." He says looking up at the sky choking back tears. "What do I do to make her stop?" He adds.

"To be perfectly honest, their isn't anything you can do. You just have to hold them and tell them it's going to be alright, a storm doesn't last forever, and neither will this. You have to help them find a healthy way of dealing with there pain." Finnick says.

"I could teach her to paint." Peeta chimes in.

"That would be nice." Gale says.

Then a voice chimes in saying something I never expected to here. "I've done it." Johanna says.

Everyone looks up in disbelief, even Finnick. She looks at everyone puzzled looks and continues. "President Snow killed everyone that I loved, including my cat," She says looking down. "I had nothing, no one left that I loved. I didn't want to live in a world without them, a world were that the capitol had control over every move I made in my life. So I did it, I flung open a draw and took out a razor. I remember the feelings of it touching my skin, a feeling I wish I could take back a million times over." She says running her fingers along a thick white strip of raised skin down her arm. Everyone is silent for a while, unsure what to say. I never had seen or heard anything from Johanna so personal and sincere before, it takes me a while to take it in.

"How did you move on Johanna?" Peeta asks breaking the gentle silence between us.

"I didn't" she admits looking out to the sunrise. "But when the rebellion started, I knew there was a life that was worth fighting for." she says with what could only be a hint of a smile. A genuine smile, not a sarcastic one like usual.

We all allow ourselves to relax and enjoy the sunrise before we start the complicated and challenging day that will certainly follow. Peeta rubs my belly soothingly and I start to feel her move again. I let out a smile, it's like she knows it's Peeta. Peeta kisses my cheek and I feel reassurance in his kiss that things will be okay even though we're all a little messed up.


	4. Chapter 4

After having a hot shower, I walk down stairs to see everyone is gathering around the dining table for breakfast. We all feel worn with the events of last night hanging heavy in the air. We try to keep small talk but it fades out quickly.

"So if it's a boy I've already got a name picked out for you!" Smiles Finnick.

"Oh _really?_ what's that?" I ask smiling in return.

"Finnick obviously?" He chuckles. Always the one to try and make to the air less weighted.

Peeta laughs too, "I think if your sons name is already the first syllable of your name, you're set." He adds.

"I've always liked the name Allan." Annie says staring out the window deep in thought.

"Me too actually" Finnick agrees placing a kiss on her cheek.

"I don't know, I'm stuck on names." I admit looking down at my breakfast.

"Well how long along are you Katniss?" Johanna asks.

"23 weeks, just over half way I think." I sigh. Peeta tried to rub my back reassuringly, I feel so nauseated I don't think it's doing much good.

"Well you'll be able to narrow it down by 50/50 today" Johanna says sipping her coffee.

"How?" Peeta asks curious as ever.

"When you reach 20 weeks, the baby is developed enough to know the gender" Annie pipes in. I turn to Peeta, his cheeks are lighting up with excitement.

We all feel distracted for a second until Cressida makes her way down the stairs. Her bright complexion looks drained, and the bags drift under her eyes deeply. We all have to adjust ourselves for second, like we're afraid of what we might say.

"Stop staring at us all and sit down, Cressida." Johanna says, even though Johanna can be rude at times, she has the best interest intended. Cressida sits awkwardly beside Johanna and Annie, and begins to nibble on a piece of toast. Everyone tried to go back to conversation but if it's almost as if all the words have be sucked up with a vacuum.

After what feels like years of awkward small talk Cressida says, "I'm sorry." she pauses swallowing hard, "for last night." she adds.

"It's okay Cressida." Annie says squeezing her hand and giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah, everyone goes through things like this, even tough people like Johanna" Finnick says winking at Johanna.

"Yeah sure, _I'm_ the weak one" Johanna says sarcastically rolling her eyes.

When I look up to the clock that sits above the microwave I realize it's already 9:50. "Peeta!" I shout as the anxiety begins to bubble up my entire body. "It's 9:50, our appointment is in 10 minutes! You're not even dressed!" I shout. Peeta takes me in his arms and says soothing words while I try to calm down. _Damn pregnancy hormones._

When we get to the hospital I notice how different it is to the one in the capitol, much more simple, less complicated. Peeta leads me down a hallway and helps me sit into blue armchair while he goes and talks to the receptionist. The receptionist is young, tall with a gold glint in her eyes. Probably from the capitol. It makes me shudder, reminding me of Cinna. Peeta sits himself beside and looks up at me. He tried to give a reassuring smile but his eyes show something else, fear. "Don't be scared Peeta" as I say the words I let his lips meet mine.

"Mrs Mellark?" questions the bubbly receptionist, Peeta and I follow the women down a hallway and into an examination room. I like this one better then the one in capitol, much more calm I think. I lay on the bed as instructed and Peeta sits beside me.

I don't know how long we've been siting here squeezing each others hand for support when the doctor walks in. "Katniss? Peeta?" She questions looking down at her chart.

"Yes I'm Peeta" He says shaking her hand. "And this is my wife Katniss." he adds motioning towards me.

"Lovely to meet you both. I'm Doctor Collins, but please call me Suzanne." she says shaking my hand. She takes a deep pause, she sits down in front of a computer. "Okay, so it says here everything has been running relatively normal and you're at 23 weeks?" Suzanne says looking at us both. I nod in agreement. "Okay we'll do an ultra sound and a blood test to confirm everything is running smoothly. Now your the last check up was about month ago, is that correct?" She asks politely. Again, all I do is nod in agreement.

"Will we be able to know the gender of the baby today?" Peeta pipes up asking what is clouding our minds.

"Oh you don't know?" she says looking surprised. We both shake our heads. "Well it would be my honor to tell you." She says smiling as she sets up the machine.

I sit back against the bed and let the doctor put the weird goo onto my stomach, I tense a little at the feel of it. "What's wrong Katniss?" Peeta asks, worry shaking in his voice. "Nothing just cold" I say as I squeeze his hand. He seems satisfied with my answer an relaxes a little.

The doctor gently moves the wand around on my stomach a while before finally saying "Okay everything look really good Katniss! Really healthy. Now you wanted to know the gender?"

"Yes please." I say admitting it. I've wanted to know all along but I'm only admitting out loud for the first time.

"Well," she says beginning to pack up the machine. The bulky machine prints out a small black and white photo, it looks completely jumbled to me, but Peeta says she can recognize our child within the wavy black lines.

"You're having a girl" She says smiling. "I'm going to take your bloods to the lab, I'll give you to a minute." She says walking out. Peeta looks up at me and tears are welling up in his eyes, as they do mine. "We're having a girl" is all I can mumble in disbelief. I cuddle into Peeta and let myself relax for the first time in a long time. Peeta looks completely smitten.

When Peeta and I finish at the hospital we walk back to Finnick and Annies house. They offered to pick us up, but I wanted to spend some along time with Peeta. The walk isn't long, just long enough to tire me and short enough for me to savor it.

We walk into the house and everyone looks at us, expecting us to answer the question they don't have to even ask out loud. All I can do is grin when Peeta shouts "We're having a girl!" Everyone comes over to congratulate us squealing. "I'm so happy for you!" Says gale. "Another girl on fire, you're going to be burnt out Peeta" Johanna says with a smirk.

Annie hugs me tightly and kisses my cheek. Finnick says she never likes touching people, so this is a big step for her. My heart swells a little that I was the one she chose to hug. Maybe it's because I'm becoming a Mother, something we both share in common.

We all walk out to have lunch, and see Finn is smiling at Cressida, he is coloring in the empty leaves that grow off the vines tattooed into her skin. If you didn't know them you'd think they were related. When I think about it, I guess we sort of are.

When I look at everyone, I feel lighter. I feel like the weight off the war is lifted off my shoulders, even if only for a moment. Finn playing with Cressida, and she's actually smiling. Johanna and gale laughing with each other, Annie and Finnick embracing each other. I feel Peetas arm rest against my back and I feel the warmth from his touch radiate to the tips of my being.

I turn to Peeta and say the words that I have held back for so long. "I feel happy Peeta, I feel full. I don't feel empty."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N + DISCLAIMER: I was inspired by a scene in the movie "The silver lingings playbook" that Jenifer Lawrence stars in. I really thought it was important to help Cressida feel comfortable after all the events that have followed. So i added this in, hope you enjoy. I do not claim to have or own any rights to the thg trilogy.**

Like the obstetricians office, the mental health wing of the hospital is similar, less over the top than the capitol, calm green walls and white polished floors. None of the condescending worker's asking how you're feeling.

We all came here for Cressida, after the incident a few days before, Annie kindly convinced Cressida to get help. Been brought up in the capitol where mental illness is very taboo, I think she could use all our support. Gale gathered us all around outside asking us to come, obviously we happily obliged.

Cressida sits tapping her foot impatiently studying the paintings that hang from the wall. "Cressida Dorman?" Pipes up a middle age women with ashy blonde hair.

Gale is the first to stand reaching out for Cressidas hand, which she hesitantly takes. "I don't think I can do this Gale." She whispers but we all hear it anyway.

"It's okay; we all have been through were you are Cressida. No one comes out of this normal." Annie says stroking fins delicate curly hair. Cressida nods and follows Gale into a small brightly lit room.

"Thank you for coming." Gale mouths to us before heading into the room after Cressida. We all sit in the waiting area. Johanna mumbling something to Finnick and he nods to her. I can't help but wonder what they're talking about. I turn my attention to Peeta which I only now notice, his fists clenched and his forehead wrinkled. "A flashback" I whisper under my breath. Not trying to draw attention to the situation placed in front of me, I crouch down In front of Peeta. I say soothing words and clench his hand to the point of pain. "Stay with me."

His pupils contract to pinpoints, dilate again rapidly. And then return to normal. "Always" He murmurs. I brush a few strands of blonde hair above his forehead and wipe the sweat off with my shirt.

"It's okay Peeta, I'm real this is real." I say reassuringly. I get up from my squatting position and sit in a similar stiff chair beside him, he holds his head in his hands for a moment before sitting up and looking into my grey eyes.

After the flashback, I insist that we go back to the house. Peeta pleads to stay because we'd said we would stay for Cressida but I don't want to take the chance of another flashback. Even though I tried; I think everyone saw what happened, because when we said we were going home no one said anything.

When we arrived home Peeta drops onto the comfortable cream couch and I can see him struggling to keep his eyes open. These moments drain every bit of energy within him. "It's okay Peeta; I'll wake you when they get home." I whisper. He looks up at me like I've just read his mind and he nods.

When everyone stumbles through the door, they look surprisingly positive. It might just be an act to help Cressida feel better, but I don't know. I don't realize I've forgotten to wake Peeta up until Finn jumps on his sleeping body. I hear Peeta groan as he emerges from this slumber, but he begins to chuckle when he realizes Finn is jumping on top of him.

"I was going to stop him but I couldn't help myself." Finnick says trying to hide his grin.

Peeta sits up and is playing with Finn. He looks smitten, I'm lucky to have Peeta. Nobody else could convince me to have children, I rest my hand on my bump satisfied at the thought. I walk out and notice Cressida smoking on the balcony. I go out to give her some company,and I notice Johanna out here too. I slump down into a chair, "sorry we had to leave Cressida, I hope it went okay." I say softly.  
"No it's okay I get it, with Peeta and everything." She says with a deep drag. "It went" She pauses to collect her thoughts. "Well I think. To be honest I never thought I could bring myself to go."  
"Why?" Johanna scoffs.  
"Growing up in the Capitol is different. It's completely unspoken of most of the time. I think people are ashamed of it. I was too. I didn't want to admit to myself I had anything wrong with me. Even after the rebellion ended and I had to have a medic work up, they told me I had a PTSD. I just didn't want to accept it. I feel everyone would be ashamed in me."  
"Oh please, everyone is nutter, some way or another. Nobody is normal." Johanna says staring off into the ocean.  
"I have to agree." I say looking down at my bump. "There has been times were the nightmares become too much. Times were I wish I had a nightlock pill at my disposal."  
Annie walks out and sits beside us with Finn on her lap. "I remember when I went into hospital." She pauses, "One that specialized in psychiatric health."  
"Oh yeah the nut house, and because you were a victor you had to go to the Capitol one." Johanna says smiling.  
"You've been?" Annie asks curiously.  
"Yes. After I tried..." She pauses looking down at her arm. "Anyway. Yes, I have."  
"Fond memories huh?" Gale says joining us now.  
"Oh yes, especially when I refused to eat and was forced a NG tube." She says sarcastically.  
"NG tube?" I question.  
"A nasogastric tube, it's a narrow bore tube that goes through your nose and into your stomach, used to feed you." Annie pipes up.  
"Sounds grim" Cressida says.  
"It's uncomfortable, but you get use to it" Annie says softly.  
"So welcome to the pill popper team, what medication did they put you on?" Johanna says.  
"Oh." Cressida seems taken back by her question. "Flouxitine."  
"Oh yeah, you're a newbie." Finnick says walking out with Peeta. We can't help but laugh.  
"What's funny?" Cressida asks puzzled.  
"They trial you on different medications to see what will fit best for you. They start with what has the highest success rate. Flouxtine is always the starting one." Peeta says.  
"Yup, I'm on sertrilene now." I answer.  
"Oh, been on seroquel?" Finnick asks. Everyone laughs at the thought of it.  
"Yeah, that shit will knock you out." Johanna pipes in.  
"Valium?" Annie asks.  
"Oh that was the second medication I got put on I think?" Peeta says looking at me. "Real" I whisper squeezing his hand.  
"It'll put you to sleep but won't make those night terrors go away" Finnick says adding in to the conversation. Ever nods and agrees.  
"Oh yeah, tries tamazapan?" Annie asks.  
"Oh yeah, same thing." Peeta chuckles.  
"Wow, this stuff is so normal for you all." Says Cressida.  
I can't help but be taken back by our conversation; Cressidas statement sinks into my sink, it takes me a moment to realize how accurate she is. How mundane it has become for us. But I guess after all we have been through together, it was always going to happen. "I guess so" I say taking a deep sigh, and decide to vocalize my past thought, "after all that has occurred, I think it was bound to happen."  
"No kidding" Laughs Johanna lighting up a cigarette.  
"As long as you can fight the demons that coat your brain, you'll be alright." Annie says softly. Everyone takes a deep breath and looks out to the ocean and listens to calm sound of the waves crashing. As the conversation begins to fade I realize something. Despite every medication, every time I thought I would die- wanted to die, I've always had Peeta to support me. It works both ways. I'm there for him when he clutches the back of chair so hard his knuckles turn white from a flashback. It looks the same for Finnick and Annie. And it'll be that way for Cressida and Gale from now on. I think Peeta was thinking something similar when he says, "all we have is each other now." He pauses for a second before adding, "and I'm so thankful for it."  
Johanna opens her mouth to say something, I expect a sarcastic comment but instead she says softly. "Me too."


End file.
